• The Refill Lady

I am a phoney...

Updated: Sep 17, 2019

It's been ages since I last managed to sit myself down to write - school holidays struck and as it happens, they're not that relaxing. I didn't get tonnes of time to get shit done, or relax...or sleep. I have, however, done a great deal of thinking - sometimes about how the buggery bollocks I've managed to find myself scooping crisps for a living, but most of the time about what exactly it is that I'm trying to achieve.


Some of you might already know that I don't live an idyllic, zero waste, low impact, holistic lifestyle. I don't wake up to a shot of kombucha before doing yoga, skipping around town picking up litter, stroking squirrels and eating only raw, organic foods... My kids aren't wildlings who are homeschooled and barefoot, I don't attend rallies and protests. I'm not a member of Extinction Rebellion or Greenpeace, I don't make my kids clothes or cook every meal from scratch (although to be fair to me and Grumps we do a pretty decent job). I'm not an 'activist', but I sometimes feel like I'm expected to be. I'm certainly expected to be vegan (or, at the VERY least vegetarian) too. I had a bit of a word with myself recently when I realised that these expectations were taking their toll and I was putting a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to do 'better'.


I realised that I routinely felt like a phoney - I set up the business to create more time to focus on my family and to give something back. I knew, after over 15 years slogging my guts out in the corporate world, that I wanted to put my energy into doing good, somewhere closer to home and that it needed to be something 'real', but I wasn't driven by a lifelong ambition to 'save the planet'.


It's a wonderful feeling to have found a way of living that suits me down to the ground. It comes naturally to me, but I'm a rookie, and it was an accident. I'm making it up as I go along. I'm pretty confident that low-impact living is the way forward - it feels like common sense, and that speaks volumes to me. It's how things used to be. It's familiar and sustainable. Yes, I could do more (couldn't we all?), but I'm getting there in my own sweet time and importantly, I feel like I'm bringing a few of you along with me, which is ace.


I've also realised (and this realisation was cemented through a conversation with a good friend last week) that change doesn't happen when we force our views down each others' throats. This makes me feel slightly more at ease with my amateur eco warrior, non-activisty status. I'll quietly bumble along, doing what feels right, scooping those crisps, pumping those refills, and encouraging people to buy less shit from the supermarkets. I'll leave the activisty stuff to the professionals.




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